54> Learning from It (1)

It must be a lot easier to feel that you are a victim, or even a culprit, of events, than the way I've come to see things.

I have I suppose had a hard time recently though, however much I mantracise how much I'm learning from it.

We do like to recount everything in a causal narrative though, and this storyline is physical.
My body hurts.
My arm and shoulder, which is annoying as I have a Lot to Do.

I always have, in that my motto has been "We are what we do", so felt frightened by the idea of being worthless.
Also I didn't know the cause of the pain, so felt fearful.
It could have been Cancer or Heart Failure or any number or cocktail of Scary Ailments.
I went to the doctor, and that made it worse, as I no longer owned the pain, and was effectively on hold while they pondered, and organised Tests and Scans.

Time, they seem to regard, as a great healer. In the End I suppose it is, as we have either got better, or died.
Three weeks seems to be regarded medically as the optimum gap between a test, and it's result.

The low point in this train of events was finally getting an MRI scan, a great honour it seems, and then waiting for its diagnosis. It looks like parts of my neck are pretty'well-worn', and impinging on nerves.
Since then I have come to realise that there are limited strategies in how to ameliorate what is the damage and wear in the spine. Surgery has been mooted, which sounds like it amounts to gluing bits together so they don't rub on each on. It all sounds rather primitive and hit & miss. Like welding a rusty car.
Anyway, it's all still in the abstract. I'm just on another waiting list.

 Now I am having a weekly Chiropractor session, and am planning a regular massage.. Listening to advice from some friends who are, and know, amazing practitioners of healing skills.
Mainly though, I've reclaimed my own pain. I negotiate with it and make deals so I can get some useful stuff done.

I AM learning from it...